Is this for real?
Directed by: Elizabeth Banks
Written by: Jimmy Warden
Starring: Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, O’Shea Jackson Jr.
Rated R for bloody violence and gore, drug content (duh), and language throughout
Release Date: February 24, 2023
Runtime: 1:35
This review may contain spoilers
No seriously, is this for real?
Cocaine Bear – it’s a pretty straightforward title. It’s a bear all hocked up on the all-American drug and mauls everyone. Not much else to tell – you knew what you were getting into when you bought these movie tickets.
And to up the ante, this is based on the true story of “Cocaine Bear.” Well… I mean, it is a little bit.
She’s higher than the average bear, Boo-Boo
The absurd story of Cocaine Bear begins after real-life smuggler Andrew Thornton (played by Matthew Rhys, FX’s The Americans) dumped 40 kilos of blow out of his plane over the Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest. Not long after, a black bear finds and eats some of the dropped cocaine and goes on a white dragon-fueled rampage.
Several unfortunate humans run into Cocaine Bear’s way, including two children, Dee Dee and Henry (played by Brooklyn Prince and Christian Convery), playing hooky from school. Dee Dee’s mom Sari (Keri Russell, FX’s The Americans) is trying to find them. There’s also Eddie and Daveed (Elden Ehrenreich and O’Shea Jackson Jr.) trying to recover the lost cocaine for Syd, the St. Louis drug kingpin (Ray Liotta, Goodfellas). Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr., BlacKkKlansman), a detective from Tennessee who identified Stanton’s body, is also after Syd and his guys.
If that wasn’t enough, there are also park rangers, foreign hikers, medics, activists, and delinquent gangs for audiences to enjoy seeing get torn apart.
The truth about drugs and bears
This is kinda, sorta based on a true story, at least with having Andrew Thornton dumping 80 pounds of angel powder over Georgia. An actual black bear did devour about $20 million worth. However, the poor thing died from an obvious overdose, probably within minutes. So, no rampage happened.
Rad 80s
Since this is a true story film (barely, or should I say, bear-ly), the film is set in the 1980s. So, naturally, it brings 80s nostalgia in there, like bright pink jogging suits, 25-foot phone cords, and fancy duffel bags with rainbow straps.
Also, it’s funny to see Keri Russell in the ‘80s again after The Americans. That woman is just trapped in 80s-related stuff now.
Comedy Bear
If you haven’t guessed by now, this is not a straight-up horror film about a rampaging bear on an all-time high; it’s a comedy horror, like Tucker & Dale vs. Evil and Zombieland. The comedy and horror are nicely balanced; some scenes are hilarious, and other scenes are brutal and bloodied. It’s the best of both worlds.
The film doesn’t miss a beat with its humor, starting with a Wikipedia-sourced tidbit about bears not being violent. You see this fact just before seeing a black bear attacking hapless tourists and that this is a movie based in the eighties and, yet, is using Wikipedia as its source.
This also breaks the number one rule of every essay professor: Never use Wikipedia as a source for referencing.
Why is it always comedy horrors that are the bloodiest and goriest? In this movie, the killings are graphic and over-the-top. You have faces grounded off, gangsters disemboweled, and torn limbs everywhere from the bear. It’s all gory fun in just the most ridiculous way. It’s like Mortal Kombat violence.
American reunion
This movie has three major actors from FX’s The Americans (great freaking show). Along with the show’s main leads Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys, it also has Margo Martindale, who was the pair’s handler on the show. Only Russell and Martindale have a couple of scenes together, so there’s not much to these three being in the same movie. This is just me nerding out over The Americans.
On that same note, Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, and O’Shea Jackson Jr. have all been in different Star Wars stuff.
The Legendary Goodfella
Filling in as Cocaine Bear’s villain is the late Ray Liotta as Syd, a drug kingpin from St. Louis trying to reclaim the missing cocaine. This fits along with Liotta’s many roles in crime-related dramas, like Goodfellas, Narc, and The Many Saints of Newark.
Liotta passed away last May at the age of 67. This will be his first film released posthumously, after his TV role in Apple TV’s Black Bird. Liotta was a legend in crime dramas, especially in Goodfellas. His roles are often dark, and they’re usually a coin flip between cop or gangster.
It’s funny to see one of his last roles in a comedy-horror about a coke-crazed bear, especially playing a drug kingpin fighting Cocaine Bear for the precious bricks of Columbia bam-bam. Isn’t that how every actor would want to go?
She don’t lie, that bear high, people die… Cocaine
Cocaine Bear is a blast. Its real-life backstory is a bizarre basis to make a killer bear movie, but it’s an entertaining ride. The film handles humor and horror from actors mostly known for dramatic performances. It’s a change from director Elizabeth Banks’ Charlie’s Angels and Pitch Perfect 2, but I like her take on comedy horror. I want more of this.
Make no mistake; you know what kind of movie you’re seeing when it has a title like “Cocaine Bear.” It’s a title like Sharknado, which made me think that Cocaine Bear was another crappy SyFy channel movie. But I bet they wished they had thought of it first.
However, there is a straight-to-video film coming up called Cocaine Shark. Because, of course, they would.
Cocaine Bear is currently playing in theaters.
